I had written this piece for the Winter Issue of The Florida Green and received an outpouring of positive responses. One of the calls I received suggested that I should get this word out beyond Florida and to our members across the country. After kicking it around in my mind for awhile I decided to take his advice.
I have had
something that I have wanted to address, and I hope it is not too personal. I am
going to write this with the desire that it causes at least one person to pause
and think about the things that are the most important in life.
Throughout
my career I have run around like my hair is on fire and tried to be everything
to everybody, especially at work. From my time as a superintendent, I know how easy it is to
focus primarily on the job at hand and lose touch with the other aspects of
your life. I did this on a regular basis, and it was a
contributing factor in the failure of my first marriage. One of my biggest
regrets is that I did not get to see my three oldest boys grow up. They
relocated to Ohio as I continued to work in Florida. I know a
number of my colleagues who have endured similar circumstances. Through the
years, summertime visits and holidays were not enough to replace what should
have been an everyday dad.
In August
2012 I was driving to conduct a strategic planning session with the North
Florida GCSA. I thought about my sons and was going to call but thought better
of it because it was raining during my drive, and I needed to pay attention to
the road. The rain continued on the drive home so I never placed the call.
The next day
I completed my notes and sent them back to the board of the North Florida GCSA
and conducted my typical day. I got so invested in work that I forgot all about
the call I did not make the previous day.
That evening
the phone rang at 8:04, and I answered to hear my oldest son on the phone. I
heard his mother asking if I had picked up. My son handed the phone to her, and
she immediately blurted out that our son Hunter had been found dead in his
bedroom. The words hit me like a gunshot, and I fell to the floor. I could not
move as the words ricocheted in my head. I was going to call him yesterday, and
I did not!
Over the
next several days, weeks, and even months, I was pretty numb and could not get a
handle on everything that had happened. My 15-year-old son, Hunter, had passed
away from an accidental drug overdose. I still ask myself if I had called that
day would things be different? I don’t have the answer to that question, but I
ask it to myself very frequently.
I know this
is the extreme, and I hope that nobody ever experiences anything like this. I
wanted to share my story so that maybe if you are reading this article, you
will take the time and examine your own situation to determine if you have the
appropriate life balance. There will always be greens that need attention or
irrigation repairs that need to be made and reports to be filed, but remember your
family needs you with them more than the job does. In the year and a half
that has gone by since my son passed away, I believe I have found a better life
balance. God is first, my family is second, and I am third. I have this
written inside my notebook in case I let my priorities get confused. With the
business of the golf season upon us, I just wanted to remind you to take time
to spend with your family, the issues on the golf course, or on any job for
that matter, will be there to be tackled tomorrow.
